I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
