Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
