i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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