VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
