final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
