She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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