everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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