my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
