Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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