The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
