I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
