Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
