Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
