I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
