As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize