She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize