There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
