I just made out with a guy for $7.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
