so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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