I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
