girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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