New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
