you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
