From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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