Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
