So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
