I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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