This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
