quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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