Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
