so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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