God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
