i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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