You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
