whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
