The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
