I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
