when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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