I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
