i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize