I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
