Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
