Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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