Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
