At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You are the jesus of drinking
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
