So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
