I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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