I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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