are you so shy because you have an std?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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