Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
