remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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