remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone came in the potted fern
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
