Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Alive.
So much puke
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize