he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm having to shit out rocks
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
