He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
