i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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