i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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