New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
