So drunk its hurt
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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