my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
