Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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