I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
