i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
