The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
