my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
