I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
