so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
