At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
