Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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