its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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