A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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