omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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