I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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